The Many Faces Of Nathalie...

What All these pictures Have in common is that alot of them were taken threw some very trying times... But in every Dark Cloud there's a silver lining... Smile... Life is Short...

The Sensation

What is it about that sensation that keep me submitted and yeilded to temptation?? I cant stand it..

The need to be sinfully screwing others in fornication while continually Screwing my self over in anticipation..

Always placing myself in these Soul-Shattering situations

Stuck in the cycle of frustration, When turn on watching pornographic movie stations

Then left searching for that next intimate relation, like the Lust Doctor seeking out that patient

Excited in anticpation waiting for that next moment of elation...

As my adrenaline runs high right before the tears begin to fall from my eyes

and a piece of my spirit dies. Again!!

Here I go into sin...

Down on my knees full of shame.. Calling on Jesus name

Confessing the played games apologizing for wanting sex while calling your name. (GOD!!)

Tryna Maintain as forgivness is obtained

Lord Please come and Reign

In... My... Life...

I can't overcome what you dont condone alone and on my own

So I write this poem..

Asking you to show me Why I continue to do wrong. I know in the bible you say flee from sexual immorality... But to me the reason why is somewhat of a mystery..

Especially considering that in this society when one strives for sexual purity

They're looked at as corny or crazy

But I know that's far from YOUR truth which is Reality

I just gotta learn to accept it... To correct and perfect my infected mentality.

So Father Please!!!

Teach me.. Reach me.. Beseech me..

And Allow me to see myself clearly

So that i may emerge victoriously from this shameful secrecy that keeps me from fully embracing my christianity and following you faithfully...

In this land of hook-ups and headgames

And appealing feelings of sexual healings

That run rampant in this miseducated world world which tells young boys and girls that Happines is found in someone who can make your toes curl..

No wonder we're in Peril

Equating Orgasms with love and keeping scorecards of beautiful

Altos && Sopranos...To inflate EGOs

And false images of Adulthood... That are many times thought of as all good

Instead of deep-seated issues which could stem from absentee Fathers...

And Bitter Mothers who leave us un-guided and unprepared for lief's surprises..

SO here were are hanging with our crew

Acting a fool

Thinking wisdom is to be found in a condom

Still blind and deaf to common sence

Unknowingly Following in Mom && Dad's footsteps

Lacking that spiritual depth to avoid the behavior that lead to

the broken heart's defect...Endless child-support debt

AND the HIV/AIDS Death... riddled with regret..

That leaves us paying our respects and speculating whether the orgasm's Sensation is really worth the Risk of bringing our spiritual, emotion, and physical entities near Death's Kiss

Gone

If you wont hear my thoughts than you can read my soul...

With every inch you push me away my heart grows cold...

If ever I needed someone it was you...

Now that your gone I dont know what to do...

Its like the Loudest Silence on the hottest Winter night Scene...

Its like the Quietest Scream on the coldest Mid Summers night Dream...

But when shall I awake from this tragedy called life

and find myself in your arms once more as your spiritual wife...

The Love I felt was beyond this Plain...

Now the memories just brings a stringent pain..

Never agian will I be susceptable to loves will...

This effervesscent emotion Is now a tormenting drill...

Its Poisins seep inside you untill..

You become Half the person that was once fufilled...

Take it away I dont want it... Lifes greatest gift has a curse upon it...

I try to make it stop but my thoughts still haunt it... Its hard to avoid when all others do is Flaunt it...

Nat

Who's in your life...

Strangers have a way of sneaking into your life.. When you meet some one you dont consider the impact they'll have on your life.. But each Person that walks in to your life has the ability to change who you are and what your life is like.. Some change you for the better and some change you for the worst.. Its up to you to decide whom you allow into your life..

I've let alot of people into my mines.. Some took effect some didnt.. but at the end of the day I know I have felt and experienced new things..

Sometimes the people you allow entry become detrimental, and begin to tear down everything you build for yourself.. Its hard but your must constanly survey the ones around and adjust the looking glass.. If you're trying to make something of yourself chances are you should stray from slackers for a while.. A little distance from the bad can help you progress.

Sometimes the people you allow entry can make strides towards helping you better yourself but you must "help them, help you"... To often we become so entangled in our pride that we see it as the passing of judgement when someone says.. "Why aren't you going back to school?" or "So what doing plan on in the long run?" or "Do you have any career aspirations?".. Some see those questions as threatening because they have no good answers for them. That "Im just about my paper" thing doesnt do a thing to help out your situation. Wake up and smell the coffee because eventually those friends that tried to steer you in the right drection will distance themsevles from you because you will have made yourself the lifeless Slacker pulling them down.

I for one have been both people to some.. I struggle to stay on the right path day to day, for it is so easy to do slip in to wrong doing where as it's an up hill struggle to do right. Above all things i try to live for myself..

Anyone in ya life that has a problem with you bettering yourself is someone you should distance yourself from.. That person is selfish and counterproductive.. Just think, if your in school trying to better yourself and all that person can see is that your never around to chill anymore.. Or if that person seems to always have a foul critique about all the movements you make to suceed, that person is clearly jealous and as sad as it may seem eventually you will have to leave him/her behind in order to fully grasp the success we all covet. People who claim success wont change them have never been truly successfull.. Because with every step up we make in life there comes some sort of evolution..

Speaking of such.. You Cannot, I repeat, You Cannot change people.. Altough you can influence them, people dont change..

Now some of you have like 50 examples of change to give at this point..

Save it..

I say people dont change because I believe everyone has the capacity to repeat past actions both good and bad.

People either Evolve or Regress.

The path towards evolution takes you to success..

And you already know nothing good comes from regression..

Now.. Take a moment and think.. which kinda people do you have in your life..?

What kind of person are you??

The Lonely Road..

Im on my nostalgic flow.. Thinking about why we end up where we are and asking all those "What If?" Questions. I know I shouldnt but my curiousity is compelling my mind to wander.. So as I sit here still picking up the shards I look deep into each memory and cherish the love and warmth the each bring and remember each hug.. each kiss.. each laugh.. each blush.. INHALE.. And Release. Now i walk this path alone..

Alone isnt always bad.. But to being without him has me feeling like im on a slippery path to no where. Finding solace isnt as easy this time around.. I always bouced back but this time I fell hard.. It feels like the gravity done changed.. As I push up to stand my heart weighs me down and the air escapes my lungs.. Anger settles in.. I cant hate him so I hate myself for the way I feel about him.. But can I hate the feeling most people chase??

That Happy Exciting Breathless Mind Boggling sensation..

That keeps you either on your toes.. Or in the clouds..

I guess I dont hate the feeling its self but rather the loss of that feeling.

I hate that my mind tells me to be rational when my heart knows this is clearly not a white and black situation.. There are way to many undefined hues and tones to walk away with a sense of closure..

When He walked away I only pushed the door but its far from closed..

But thats not the position I want to be put in.. My heart does not have a revolving door on it.. So should I close it or should I make the exception for this man that has me all in a whirl..?

I feel so broken.. Although I am not define by a man.. I finnaly found a man that can define my wants and needs with just a smile and a laugh.. For once I looked in someones eyes and saw the future..

What a feeling.. For a moment the sorrows of the world evaporated and the mist lifted me to a dream land where happiness was eminent..

LOL I know what your thinking.. Im such a cornball.. but thats what happens when your actually happy. Im glad I felt what I felt.. Not to hot about losing that feeling.. But I will never lose the memories..

And so as I journey down this lonley road I can only hope the next road leads back to companionship..